Fear of Sucking

So I sat down and began doing a admittedly rudimentary outline for my The Office spec. I have all my ideas formulated and the characters involvement prepped. Since it's an ensemble cast, I decided to try and determine which characters are essential to the plot of this episode. Five are essential to my story, while the others will be featured much like they are now. Witty reactions or comments strewn throughout the episode, as well as a few talking head segments.

So I'm buzzing along, minding my own business when fear and loathing, that old adversary of mine, decides to pop in and check up on my progress. After kindly directing his attention to my narcissistic progress indicators held within this pages sidebar, a chuckle slowly arose until it muted out everything else lodged in my brain. It was quite condescending and it instantly revealed me for what I am: a scared little writer-man. I put this prep into my projects and think I'm ready to dive in, only to do even more prep. It's the worst sort of procrastination there is because in reality I'm not prepping anything. I'm hiding from my fear. The fear of sucking. It's almost comical the ways in which I try to avoid admitting this to myself. Excuse after excuse seep out of my ear hole and it makes me feel better. I'll just drink another 2 liter of Coke. Yeah, that'll help. Oh look, football is on, let me go check that game out and think on my script ideas for awhile.

Well, no more. I am once again starting my ten day first draft challenge. A couple of years back, I was going through a similar bout of self mutilation when I decided to begin a program. I would force myself to write a first draft of a feature length screenplay in ten days time. And it worked like a charm. I banged out three or four scripts in a month or six weeks. By the end of the fourth screenplay, I was so exhausted mentally I wept as I typed the final page out. I then proceeded to go over each one and make immediate changes where I felt it was needed. Those scripts served me well. It was probably the best writing I have ever done. *RANDOM RANT BEGINS HERE-I am well aware of the fact that some scribes in the bloggernet find it embarrassing that a screenwriter would admit to writing a first draft in ten days (gasp!). I happen to wholeheartedly disagree with that sentiment. Some incredible scripts have been written in twenty four hours, seven days or two weeks. I would not assume to know how long a 'genius' idea takes to ferment in ones brain, nor do I think taking four months on a first draft is in anyway faulty logic. But I do know that the sooner your first draft is out, the sooner you can go about a rewrite. END RANT/*

So beginning tomorrow, I am entering into the constipated writer's rehab program. I will keep all abreast of my progress, not to brag as others seem to think, but to show my dedication to screenwriting. To show this is my chosen path and I take it seriously. And most of all, to get my ass in gear.

The Screenplay Contest-Why Bother?

I have entered about 10 screenplay competitions in the last 4 years. And each and every time I enter, the results come back the same. Half the people absolutely love my work. The other half tear it to shreds. Without fail, this relegates my screenplay into middling territory. Purgatory, if you will. (I did finish in the top 10 twice which makes the bad reviews hurt even more) This isn't a one or two time occurrence. It's just about unanimous. I've tried to write more mainstream stuff but my writing ends up going somewhere darker than I intended. And while I love black humor, many don't get it, or just don't like it. One more disappointment and I'm going all out writing Failure to Launch II. Fuck it.

So the time is near. To enter or not to enter? I'm leaning towards not entering anything except the Nickelodeon fellowship. Which reminds me...I had better get that The Office script going.

I'll leave my readership (two people, including me) with this question: Which screenplay contests are worth the hassle? Like risk vs reward sort of thing? Because, dude, I'm not made of green and I've been eating Ramen noodles for weeks now.

A Better Way To Elect A President

Since this two party system rarely displays the democratic process the way it was envisioned, here is my new and improved presidential test.

10 questions:

10. Do you belong to any secret societies such as the Skull and Bones? If yes, you're out of the race.
9. Do you belong, or know anyone who belongs to the trilateral commission? If yes, you're out.
8. Do you or your spouse make more than $500,000 in a single year? Yes? Out!
7. Free health care for all? No, or anything aside from a straight up yes, and you're out!
6. Do your religious beliefs inform your decisions on policy at all? Yes? Goodbye.
5. Do you endorse a national i.d. card? Yes and you're gone.
4. Do you consider Saudi Arabia a good friend of America? Yes, and your oil loving ass can live there full time.
3. Have you ever smoked dope, been arrested or gotten a DWI(not necassarily in the same night)? No, and you're out.
2. Do you support the legalization of most drugs? No? buh-bye
1. Electric cars for all? Answers of no, talk of hybrids... or hydrogen fuel... and you're done.

And your 2008 President is..................0 results. Enjoy Hillary as a substitute!

I Here A Bare Braking Into My Home

I'm not an illiterati, however I do tend to misspell words when I'm typing fast and furiously at the keyboard. My mistakes are normally the contextual type, such as hear/here or bare/bear. It's not that I don't know the differences between the two, it's that I'm often typing how the word sounds and not paying attention. Sometimes there are two words that are very confusing in how they're used. So I offer this link, Common Errors In English, to all who may share this affliction. It's a quick one page listing of all odd ball phrases or spellings of words, as well as the two words that sound the same but are otherwise by no means similar. It works nicely as a quick reference page. Especially when you're knee deep into a screenplay and want the quickest possible information.

Progress Bars Or: How I Began Feeding My Narcissism

Ever since David and his blog Man Bytes Hollywood informed the bloggernet in June '05 (actually even earlier than that)that we could track our progress through cool color bars, we've been strapped to the nines full of 'em. Hell, at one point I had eight separate progress bars on my blog.

Well, here I have some spanking new progress bars to show off...despite the fact that there isn't really any progress to display. The act of adding these to my blog reminds me of the famous Tyler Durden quote in Fight Club. "Self improvement is just masturbation". In this case the quote should read "Self acknowledgment is just masturbation". What have I accomplished? Nothing. Yet here I am showing my "nothing" to the world in fancy crimson blood percentage points. As you take a gander and marvel at my works which are tantamount to failures, please remember to feed the monster on the way out.

Blood Recipe

For those that asked.

1 c. Karo Syrup

1 Tbsp Water

2 Tbsp Red Food Coloring

1 tsp Yellow Food Coloring

You may want to fiddle with a little blue to add some different variations on color. You could go Italian horror style, bright red, or more modern dark red.