Your Film is Filthy...But May I Suggest A Porn?

I absolutely love when justice is served.

The operator of the Utah-based Flix Club, which, as part of the Clean Flix chain, drew fire from major studios for removing scenes depicting sex and violence from home videos, has been arrested in Orem, Utah on charges of having sex with underaged girls. According to Orem police, Daniel Thompson also told the girls that his business was actually a cover for a pornography studio and asked them to participate in making a porn movie. The police report also said that they uncovered a "large quantity" of pornography at Thompson's business. According to the Salt Lake Tribune, Thompson told the arresting officers that he was unaware that the girls were not of legal age and that the porn movies were for his "personal use." Thompson previously operated the Clean Flix franchise in Orem but shut it down last month after giving away 400 sanitized versions of Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. The studios, he said at the time, had told him that "if I don't shut down, they would break me."

It's A Weather Balloon

You know, sometimes I tire myself out with conspiracy theories. They're like an addiction. Sometimes I need to reign myself back in before I go all Martin Lawrence down Main street.

However, our government and military still have not figured out how to deal with these events. Case in point: On January 8th, Texas residents saw something flying at about 300 feet, and it was a mile long and half a mile wide, and made no noise. The lights changed formation. It was being chased by fighter jets. The first reaction from the military? no F-16s or other aircraft from his base were in the area the night of Jan. 8, when most people reported the sighting. Officials at the region's two Air Force bases — Dyess in Abilene and Sheppard in Wichita Falls — also said none of their aircraft were in the area.

Cut to today: Although officials at the Naval Air Station Reserve Base in Fort Worth initially said none of their planes were in the area of the UFO reports, they changed their story Wednesday, saying that 10 F-16 fighter jets built by Lockheed Martin Corp. were training near Stephenville, about 70 miles (112 kilometers) southwest of Fort Worth, about the time of the sightings.

*Oh really now? Two weeks later you suddenly find this info?

Lol...

Look, I have no idea what it was that those Texans saw, but something tells me it was either a top secret military flying base, or it was something even they have no clue about. Either way, their excuse stinks.

How is it possible to be just as clueless as in the 1940's? What exactly do they think would happen if they said, "We have no clue what you saw"?

Just another aggravation of mine.

Knocked Up: The Most Evil Film Ever!

I just watched Knocked Up, the Judd Apatow film, a few weeks ago. I liked it. I wasn't blown away by it. If anything, I thought Apatow kind of wussed out by making the Seth Rogen character come to his senses and begin to try and be a father. But that was that, and I hadn't thought about it much since. Until I realized there are some people who are calling the film sexist. What?

I'll deal with this quote first, from Joe Queenan of The Guardian. "the latest in a new genre of romantic comedies in which an unappealing hero gets together with a gorgeous, successful woman."

Ok, first things first, who is he to judge what male is unappealing? Secondly, even if Rogen's character Ben is unappealing for the first hour of the film, it only shows that he changes for the woman during the second half of the film. Wouldn't that constitute a man righting himself for a woman? And finally, since when do gorgeous women not date what outsiders would consider below their class? It happens all the time. Hell, it's happened to me. And I always believed it was because men are so superficial, they go after beauty, or hotness first and foremost, while woman tend to put more (too much)of an emphasis on personality. Is Alison (Heigl) too good for Ben ( Rogen) in Knocked Up? In the beginning and on the surface, yes (and if using common sense, which often has little to do with who hooks up with who). However, let me point out a few factors here.


1) The initial bar scene where Ben and Alison meet is very realistic. Know why I know this? I've had it happen to me. I met a girl who was 24, model beautiful, and we got intoxicated. I woke up at her house. We dated for a few months, and that was that. Now, I'm certainly not the ugliest man alive, and could be counted as above average in certain circles. I'm in the 70 percentile. But this girl? She is a 99 percenter. Would this anger the film critics as well? Would this anger women too? I play video games, slum around in sweats during the weekend, and hate work with a passion. I have a crude sense of humor. Yet I date pretty woman all the time. What's the problem? So what I'm trying to show here is that while woman get aggravated by seemingly slobby men who shack up with the hottest of hot woman in film, it's actually holding a mirror to the real world. Do I need to direct women to "Hot chicks with douchebags"? For any woman who wonders why females are portrayed this way on film, take a gander at the human garbage the woman over at that site get hooked up with. Then explain it to me.

2) It is Ben who steps up to the plate when told about the pregnancy. Yes he acts like a huge ass when Alison first mentions this to him during a dinner. Which is realistic for the character up to that point. But he does step up and offer support, though he has no idea what kind of support he should lend. He is doing what a man should do-owning up to his responsibility.

3) Ben changes his entire persona to become a better partner for Alison. Why is that overlooked? And they seemingly live happily ever after.

How is this sexist? Ben and Alison made a mistake. They came together to deal with it. They found that they had more in common then they thought and stay together. To me, the formula for the movie goes like this: Boy meets girl/boy and girl make bad mistake/though seemingly from different sides of the track, they try to make it work/they find out more about themselves and end up loving each other. End of story.

Since I read the review in The Guardian, I've read many women upset over this and all I can say is, deal with it! When gorgeous women in the real world stop dating ugly guys with cash, or average looking guys who make them laugh, or when they stop slobbering over ratty dive bar cover band guitarists, or when they stop giving me play, then you may have beef. Until then, realize you're actually angry at yourself, for you are the template for these films.

Humans Fit To Eat

Humans are the dopiest species on the planet. Accomplishing two tasks at once seems almost an impossibility. I mean, really, if I see one more middle aged woman driving an SUV over three lanes of traffic with a cell phone glued to her ear I may just go off. However, there is nothing worse these days than wiggers. How many punk wiggers do I have to get the stare down from? I'm walking in Macy's (horrifying as that is) and this douche decides he's going to play chicken with me. He walks by, hat cocked, like he's built of granite, though he weighs 105 soak and fucking wet. And I have to make the emasculating choice of swaying my shoulder out of his shoulders path so that I can have a peaceful afternoon at my home instead of a break down in a holding cell. I hear his muttering under his breath as he makes for the exterior doors. A twinge in my neck tells me I should have squashed that punk. Yet, here I am being the bigger man, both figuratively and literally. I probably have three inches on the kid, and I'd venture a guess, a legit 150lbs.

Now the question is should I have strangled the kid until he was purple like I wanted, or did I do the right thing? And if I did do the right thing, why do I feel like it's oh so wrong? This is the reason the club scene is off limits for me. Guys are so idiotic, posturing like we're cave men in a cave clan. And I know that I can't resist it for a full night, because after all, I am man, and deep down, I'm a stupid douchebag as well. I suppose I just control my idiocy, but being out in this world today for me is akin to those old fake snake in a can pranks (Snakes in a can!). I have a lid on my primal tendencies but at any moment the lid will pop off and some yellow and black velvety snake will come out and give someone a well deserved heart attack.

And let me say this now: young white girls are just about as stupid as can be. Sure, they've always been naive, how else would guys get laid so early and often? But now, not only do young white girls think the hip hop culture is theirs, they play it out to the hilt. They dress like the fucking men for shit sake! The cocked Yankees cap, the crooked peace sign, the sweats around their ankles, you know the style. And listen, as a guy speaking here, if I were 18 again, I wouldn't care. But looking at it now, I just shudder to think that these girls will have children some day, probably sooner than later, and the kid will be walking around sagging. Probably because the diaper is full, but you get the point.

I can only imagine how black dudes feel. Not about the dopey white girls, because I know how they feel about them (easy pickens). But these white guys who make a mockery of the hip hop culture. I wonder if they have the feelings I have, torture scenes included? Or do they respect these punks? I have no clue.

Maybe because I'm just another dumb white man.