I Here A Bare Braking Into My Home

I'm not an illiterati, however I do tend to misspell words when I'm typing fast and furiously at the keyboard. My mistakes are normally the contextual type, such as hear/here or bare/bear. It's not that I don't know the differences between the two, it's that I'm often typing how the word sounds and not paying attention. Sometimes there are two words that are very confusing in how they're used. So I offer this link, Common Errors In English, to all who may share this affliction. It's a quick one page listing of all odd ball phrases or spellings of words, as well as the two words that sound the same but are otherwise by no means similar. It works nicely as a quick reference page. Especially when you're knee deep into a screenplay and want the quickest possible information.

Progress Bars Or: How I Began Feeding My Narcissism

Ever since David and his blog Man Bytes Hollywood informed the bloggernet in June '05 (actually even earlier than that)that we could track our progress through cool color bars, we've been strapped to the nines full of 'em. Hell, at one point I had eight separate progress bars on my blog.

Well, here I have some spanking new progress bars to show off...despite the fact that there isn't really any progress to display. The act of adding these to my blog reminds me of the famous Tyler Durden quote in Fight Club. "Self improvement is just masturbation". In this case the quote should read "Self acknowledgment is just masturbation". What have I accomplished? Nothing. Yet here I am showing my "nothing" to the world in fancy crimson blood percentage points. As you take a gander and marvel at my works which are tantamount to failures, please remember to feed the monster on the way out.

Blood Recipe

For those that asked.

1 c. Karo Syrup

1 Tbsp Water

2 Tbsp Red Food Coloring

1 tsp Yellow Food Coloring

You may want to fiddle with a little blue to add some different variations on color. You could go Italian horror style, bright red, or more modern dark red.

Humans Fit To Eat

Humans are the dopiest species on the planet. Accomplishing two tasks at once seems almost an impossibility. I mean, really, if I see one more middle aged woman driving an SUV over three lanes of traffic with a cell phone glued to her ear I may just go off. However, there is nothing worse these days than wiggers. How many punk wiggers do I have to get the stare down from? I'm walking in Macy's (horrifying as that is) and this douche decides he's going to play chicken with me. He walks by, hat cocked, like he's built of granite, though he weighs 105 soak and fucking wet. And I have to make the emasculating choice of swaying my shoulder out of his shoulders path so that I can have a peaceful afternoon at my home instead of a break down in a holding cell. I hear his muttering under his breath as he makes for the exterior doors. A twinge in my neck tells me I should have squashed that punk. Yet, here I am being the bigger man, both figuratively and literally. I probably have three inches on the kid, and I'd venture a guess, a legit 150lbs.

Now the question is should I have strangled the kid until he was purple like I wanted, or did I do the right thing? And if I did do the right thing, why do I feel like it's oh so wrong? This is the reason the club scene is off limits for me. Guys are so idiotic, posturing like we're cave men in a cave clan. And I know that I can't resist it for a full night, because after all, I am man, and deep down, I'm a stupid douchebag as well. I suppose I just control my idiocy, but being out in this world today for me is akin to those old fake snake in a can pranks (Snakes in a can!). I have a lid on my primal tendencies but at any moment the lid will pop off and some yellow and black velvety snake will come out and give someone a well deserved heart attack.

And let me say this now: young white girls are just about as stupid as can be. Sure, they've always been naive, how else would guys get laid so early and often? But now, not only do young white girls think the hip hop culture is theirs, they play it out to the hilt. They dress like the fucking men for shit sake! The cocked Yankees cap, the crooked peace sign, the sweats around their ankles, you know the style. And listen, as a guy speaking here, if I were 18 again, I wouldn't care. But looking at it now, I just shudder to think that these girls will have children some day, probably sooner than later, and the kid will be walking around sagging. Probably because the diaper is full, but you get the point.

I can only imagine how black dudes feel. Not about the dopey white girls, because I know how they feel about them (easy pickens). But these white guys who make a mockery of the hip hop culture. I wonder if they have the feelings I have, torture scenes included? Or do they respect these punks? I have no clue.

Maybe because I'm just another dumb white man.

All Your Search Belong To Us

including this google search: best sawzall for fucking

Yep, I guess my many posts on sawzall fucking have pushed me up the ranks with google.

Inland Empire

I just watched (finally) David Lynch's latest and I have to say it blew me away. Even better than Mulholland Drive. Laura Dern was amazing. the music was pitch perfect, and the cinematography was as good as it gets. Imagine The Lost Highway intertwined with Mulholland Drive, and a dash of Eraserhead, running just one minute under three hours. It's as scary as it sounds. And as brilliant. Seriously, this is as scared as I've been during a film in years. This is psychological horror at its best. There are at least 10-15 different scenes that had me either jumping out of my chair, or feeling as if I was about to do so at any moment.

I cannot recommend this movie enough.